My husband has taken a great interest in writing e-mail letters to the different women of every kind in internet ( just a month later after our wedding!), I feel very sad. It’s difficult to interpret this situation unambiguously. Everything depends on the
reason of your sadness and nervousness. Do you just miss his attention, and if he had not communicated to
the women in internet, but for example had played some computer game instead, would you feel the same?
Or are you overflowed with burning jealousy and see in his virtual acquaintances your real rivals?
First let us discuss the first, less insulting, but not easy variant. Unfortunately, almost all families
sooner or later face with lack of mutual attention and interest. Romantic courting and pre-wedding cares
have passed already, wedding dress is thrown aside, honey-moon has flown and the life is getting to become
a routine. It’s getting to be boring. The situation is well known to our mothers and grandmas, but instead
of computer a man used to hide himself from boredom behind a newspaper or TV set.
We demand attention to ourselves and get offended, when we don’t get it, without thinking that it’s
senseless to demand attention. It must be attracted, earned and sometimes even won. And not once in a
life, but every day, every minute! A fight with family routine and monotony is a difficult task. And
variety of sex postures and techniques, which some specialists recommend as almost a universal recipe,
will not help in this situation. Even sex lovers don’t do sex 24 hours a day, but we constantly need
warmth, interest and attention.
First of all each of you must chose his own sphere of activity, communication and interests. Otherwise
your feelings are doomed to fade away, it’s a matter of time. If each of you gets impressions from the
same source, you have nothing to share with each other. To share does not mean to let each other know
all the details of his/her job, but to exchange lively feelings and emotions, which are interesting
regardless of his/her activity sphere.
To hold a man’s attention you should be various every day. It’s not only a matter of new clothes and
hair-dresses, but you should have new words, new actions and new emotions. Clear, that it’s a mutual
case, but someone must take the first step! And if you show initiative without falling into the grouchy
waiting depression, your husband, doubtless, responds to you in the same way with gratitude.
But if the problem is not only in lack of attention, but in your burning jealousy as well? If you are
indeed afraid of the real rivalry from his virtual acquaintances?
May be you just exaggerate everything and your fears are too much overestimated. A lot of people consider
internet acquaintances to be no more than just a game. They register on internet sites under false names,
show somebody else’s photos, ascribe non-existent qualities to themselves and are completely aware that
their virtual acquaintances can do the same. Such acquaintances never become real. There are no these
people in reality!
If in case with your husband the situation looks like this, his behavior is quite clear. In his interest
in virtual ladies he doesn’t see any “crime”, that’s why he doesn’t keep it in a secret from you. Perhaps
it has never come to his mind that it can arouse so strong feelings of jealousy and sadness. Thus you
should just talk about it quietly without blaming each other and the problem will be solved automatically.
But if it seems to you, that he is looking not for virtual acquaintances, but for real women? Take this
situation quietly and objectively! It is unlikely that he would do it in your presence. Of course, if he
doesn’t consider your relations to be exhausted and he intends to substitute you. But even in this case
it shouldn’t frighten you, I think. If your relations were really about to be broken off, your husband's
interest in virtual communication with ladies would not be your very big problem.
May be the situation is more simple? May be he just misses your warmth and attention as you do? May be
you are too much involved in your job or in housekeeping? May be it is too early for you to be sure that
your husband unlike a fiancé will not leave you? And he feels sad as much as you do, but he can’t tell
you about it. Because he is a man! He must be strong, firm, active! But without being aware what he
should do, he methodically tests your feelings, trying to arouse at least jealousy, any emotional
reaction showing your love to him? Help him, in the conflict that one gives in first, who is wiser,
not weaker.
Hello Dr. Ivanov. I've been a member of the alldisabled site
for a little while now and I've read a lot of the suggestions you've given people,
so I'm hoping you can help me. You see, I'm a bit different than most other people
who've wrote to you. I've been in a wheelchair since 2000 due to a spinal chord
injury. I'm 29 years old and I live with my parents because I'm not yet able to
live on my own. I cannot drive, so I have to rely on other people (usually my parents)
to take me places. I was wondering how someone like me could find a mate. Over the years,
I've found that women seem to be a bit prejudice against guys in wheelchairs; most of
them try to avoid me at all costs. At times I would find women to chat with over the
internet, but as soon as I told them I was in a wheelchair they would break off all
contact with me. It's like they think I'm contagious or something. Because of this,
I've never had a girlfriend before. I've also never had sex.
I've never even kissed a woman before. What should I do? Hello George,
Thank you for your question.
Do you wait for me to get pity on you and to give you a ready receipt? As you write you
are 29 and you have been in a wheelchair since 2000. It means, that before till your 24
years old you were active and able-bodied. I do not insist that sex should be from teenager
age in the man's life, It is the question of taste, up bringing and morale. But I want to
ask you this question: what had you been doing before your 24 years old? What were you
doing at the age of 18, 20 or 22?
When all the buys fall in love, kiss, enjoy life?
I will give you advice not as a psychologist, but as a man to a man. Stop pitying
yourself. Otherwise you will be worthy only of pity. Do you want it? Do you want
to find a girl who will kiss you and will make sex with you only for pity sake?
Do you really want it and will be satisfied with it? I do not believe it!
The strength of a man is not in the strength of his body, but in the strength
of his spirit. There are lots of exampls confirming it. Your head, at least,
works all right.
And this is the main "male saxual part". Take yourself and stop whining!
Then a woman will come to your life, a woman who won't avoid you, but who will
sincerely love you as a strong man and your wheelchair won't be a obstacle for her.
Dr. Ivanov
Dear Dr. Ivanov, On the "Chemistry compatibility report" page it is shown that i am more
pesimistic than optimistic. this is kind of strange as i am condsidered by my friends as being quite optimistic.
I do not like to be seen an a pesimist. Any suggestions? Dear, I have read Your remarks regarding the functioning of the program and
I have to consider them to be absolutely right. Your case is really rare, when the meaning of the ?pessimism ? optimism? scale is very
close to the average one. It corresponds to the exact real estimate of the situation. That?s why in Your friends? eyes, whom You trust,
You look like a cheerful and optimistic person, but communicating with unknown people You are capable to show reasonable caution.
There are only two variants of the interpretation according to this scale in the program, which are chosen even by minor deviation
from the average value.
Up to the present we didn?t have such problems, because these features of the majority of people are presented more unambiguously.
Now I see, that we need to insert into the program at least another one gradation, corresponding to the average value. Nevertheless
You shouldn?t worry about the exactness of the compatibility?s estimation done by the program. The estimation of the compatibility
is based not on the textual interpretations, the number of which is limited, but on the 32 analogous scales, the meanings of which
are accepted by the program to a high degree of accuracy within 0,01. Thank You for Your remarks. Such remarks help me constantly
perfect the program and improve trustworthiness of the interpretations.
Is there any idea about how to attract girls... I'm asked this question not for the first time,
and every time I'm asked, it's difficult to answer this question unambiguously. I should say a trivial phrase:
all women are different. Some women are inspired by a man, who can be admired; other women are inspired by a
man, who admires them. Some women prefer a man, who behaves like a leader; others prefer one, who can be
easily controlled. They fell calm and safe this way. There are women, who can be interested only in sex,
but there are those, whose main interest is money. That's why some safe seduction tricks suitable for
one woman, will be completely useless for another.
Nevertheless I will try to give you an answer. A faultless way to attract a person regardless person's sex and
age is to offer him or her, what he/she wants to get most of all. Listen to a woman attentively, read her
letters and profile between the lines, look through, if it's possible, her results of the test and you will
easily understand, what she is waiting for us, men to offer her. And then go, act! Or find another woman,
if it is not to your liking. There is no other way.
I like sex but i dont have time to do it i think sex evrey time what can i do To love sex, to want sex,
to think about sex is normal for every healthy man. But I can't believe that you don't have time for sex.
Nobody asks you to do sex 24 hours a day. You can always find time for sleeping, food, rest and other necessary for you things!
May be the problem is not that you don't have time for sex, but that you don't want to give up time for acquaintances,
courting, communication with women, and you try to do everything at once, in a businesslike manner, quickly, don't you?
As a man I can hardly imagine a woman, who will agree to do sex for five minutes with an unknown man. Of course if sex-services are not her job.
Sex is not just a satisfaction of biological needs. These are the moments of higher proximity and intimacy with a woman.
And intimacy does not arise at once out of nothing.
Try to understand and to feel a woman before you offer her sex.
I can assure you, you will find deep satisfaction. When these relations become comfortable and significant to you,
you will not regard them as useless supplement to sex and waste of time. Consequently you will find time for that.
Then there will be no problems with the lack of sex.
Are many CIS women aged 18-26 religious (Bible reading, church going)? More than 70 years a church in Russia was
out of the law and off the government. In spite of the fact that the soviet constitution formally recognized religious freedom, any
demonstration of the religiousness was in every possible way persecuted. After the soviet system fell down less than twenty years
passed. It's too little for religion to become again a natural part of people's life and world view. So, at the present moment
the major part of people, who keep zealously all religious ceremonials, are either liars and hypocrites, or losers trying to
hide their living passivity behind the religion. It doesn't have anything in common with the real religiousness.
Nevertheless it doesn't mean that there is a total lack of spiritual life in Russia.
The way to God lies not only through the church and the Bible. There is God inside all of us.
I would recommend you not to be too critical about keeping religious traditions by a Russian woman you like.
When there is a beloved man near her, really faithful, not formally keeping church ceremonials, all these
disagreements will be resolved automatically.
